It Will Haunt Me Forever

Surreal experience,,,

I thought I already experiencing everything. Nothing prepared me to what I will watch last year. The death of my Mum. It’s still hard until now, accepting the fact that she’s gone.

What made her passing surreal,,, I guess because it was me and my brother who made the call. Our Mum fought brain cancer for 4 months. She was admitted for the last time in ICU on 30 June 2014. Since then she didn’t wake up.

On third day the doctor called me and my brother. He said, medically our Mum already experiencing brain death. Her life now basically because of life support. No need to say that the words hit us hard. Family were called that day and we’re having a family meeting. Whole family decided that me and my brother made the call.

Me and my brother just sat silently while I was trying holding my tears. Then my Grandmum made a plea to us.

“That’s my baby girl inside. As her mother, I beg you please bring her home. I don’t want to see her suffer again.”

Those words hit me hard and I started to cry hard. My aunt hugged me tight. After 15 minutes, me and my brother decided to bring her home, with the risk she won’t hold on much long since we took the life support machine.

On 3 July 2014, families and friends came to saw my Mum for the last time. My colleagues from the office also came to support me. Finally we took my Mum home with an ambulance. During the trip, my brother whispered verses from Holy Koran to her ears. I prayed silently beside him. The paramedic monitored her pulse and said her pulse was weakening.

By the time the ambulance arrived in front of our house, she passed away.

A bit relieved because she died surrounded by family that love her until the end. On the other side, I still feel heavy inside my heart because it was my decision. Seeing someone pass away in front of you, especially it’s your parents, it’s a bit surreal.

It still haunts me until now… Gosh I miss my Mum so much…

*Prompt 21 March: What’s the most surreal experience you’ve ever had? Whoa!

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4 thoughts on “It Will Haunt Me Forever

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum 😦 It must have been terrible to see your mother like that… Fading away in front of your eyes 😥 Watching your parent go through something so horrible is the worst experience a child can have.
    My most surreal experience was when I got a call from my Mom during my class in uni. She was crying and yelling and telling me to “come to the hospital, your Dad needs you!” He had a sudden attack of meningitis. I remember my drive to the hospital. My nerves were just… gone. When I got to the hospital he was in the emergency room having severe violent fits while vomiting furiously. He was kicking my mom, my brother and the doctors. Then he fell into a coma. I remember myself, everyday, rubbing my nose on the dirty floor in supplication, praying to God to save his life. 15 days later he came out of the coma. He had quite enough brain damage but thank God after 4 months he started to get back into his senses and regained his memory. He still is a little wobbly in his speech but Alhamdulillah he’s doing fine now.. I’m just thankful to God He spared his life. I can’t imagine a life without my parents 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing your grief. That would be hard to lose your mother. I lost my only sister from cancer last year. I kept believing for a miracle but it was her time and she suffered most of her life from other things so I understand this was God’s mercy. God bless you and your family.

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